Tag Archives: Self-Help

by | November 2, 2012 · 5:58 pm

My own self

p10104 There has been times in my life I allowed my low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence to stop me from getting a good job or just getting a job done. The only thing that stood in my way of getting the job or doing the job was my own self. Like others I allowed my fears, insecurities and self-doubt to limit me and keep me from the possibilities that were before me. It is so easy to excuse your way through life, never to face change and never to leave your comfort zone. The cost of living in such a way in the end is quite high, you miss so much of life and you never get to experience life as the person you were born to be.

I have learned you can blame others for the bad things in your life all you want, but the truth is that you alone make the choices that creates what your life is like, going to change into and ultimately will become. It is your choice if you allow others to influence and/or control aspects of your life. Others only have the power that you allow them to have over you and your life.

tpl0008So it all boils down to what choices you make and what external influences you allow to play a part in your life. The choice is always yours, even when you choose to allow others to make a choice for you.

Your life is the sum of the experiences you have had and the choices you have both made and avoided.

Ray Barbier

Related articles

Leave a Comment

Filed under Personal, Random Thoughts, Thought of the day

Tagged as , , , ,

by | September 21, 2012 · 6:04 pm

We do not always see the opportunities that surround us

IMG_1077The power of thought be it positive or negative  can affect the body as well as the mind. If you go around with a negative attitude it attracts more of the same. There is no guarantee if you are a positive person that you wont have to deal with some negativity, but you will not face as much as someone with a negative attitude. With so many books out there claiming they have secrets that will lead  you to better life and all that your heart desires, the only one getting what they want most of the time with those books is the author and the publisher. Not saying the don’t have some kind of truth to what they are saying, usually its all common sense or plain positive thinking along with visualization. Now I am not saying don’t buy those books or that they don’t work, I am just saying a lot of what they teach is out there for free if you look hard enough.

One easy way to be happy and have all you desire is to be more realistic in what you desire and expect of yourself and others. Though most of us would not be happy with that scenario so that leaves us wanting for a shortcut or easy way to reach our goals and find happiness in life. Reality is, there is no real shortcuts out there unless you have some rich uncle or you are a con artists or something along those lines. Hard work is always needed to achieve your goals, saving and investing wisely also helps. The one thing I have learned it is hard to get rich owning your own business bit its next to impossible to get rich working for someone else.

But is it really money, possessions and or social status we are needing or wanting? Will they really bring that happiness we think they will or will they just temporarily give us a happy high and then we find ourselves back where we started or worse? Financial stability always helps but to be rich is only having way more than we need. Sure I would love to have enough right now to retire and live like I do for the rest of my life. I am happy being a lower middle-class person and I don’t see any real need for me to be a millionaire. Give me a roof over my head a good vehicle, bills paid and 3 square meals a day with maybe a bit left over in the bank and I am one happy man. But that is me and I know there are those that want the moon and everything else they can get in their lifetime.

So does visualization and positive thinking work? Yes, but to the magnitude that some claim, probably not as often as we all would like. Sure you can attract things through positivity and visualization,  you can also get a lot of things through faith and prayer as well. Sometimes it is just the matter of opening your eyes to the opportunities around you. For most of us we do not always see the opportunities that surround us nor the gifts God has laid by our feet because we are too focused on the stress and worry of life to see them.

Positive thinking, visualization, faith and prayer all can bring you some happiness and even some wealth. but if you forget where your blessings and help comes  from (GOD) they can always be taken away just as fast.

Ray Barbier

Related articles

Leave a Comment

Filed under Personal, Random Thoughts, Spiritual, Thought of the day, Writings

Tagged as , , , ,

by | June 1, 2012 · 9:28 pm

Change how we react to the negative

HPIM0622What do we really want out of life? Do possessions and financial security bring us happiness or peace of mind? Is happiness something one can buy or is it something we can find within for free? Do others control our happiness or our moods or do we just simply allow them to do so? Thoughts to ponder on and many answers can come out of those questions. Personally all I want out of life is to live long, be happy and to be loved by family and friends. All the possessions I have I do enjoy but do not see as true source of happiness nor does having a lot of money. Sure being financially secure does at least make it easier for someone to be happy because of less stress but it does not bring happiness on its own.  Our mood is solely under our control, how others can effect it is when we allow them to have the power to do so. We choose to let a situation or the words and actions of others to change our emotional state.

Most of us are not skilled in controlling our emotions consciously and therefore we do suffer a lot from outside influences. But once we learn to regain control of our emotions consciously then no one can directly affect how we feel. We don’t  want to suppress out emotions for doing so can cause problems both physically and mentally. We just need to change how we react to the negative situation and channel the emotions that seep through into a more positive reaction. For those of us that are overly emotional and sensitive we need to toughen up and try not to take everything so seriously.  Some emotions are good when they come bursting out , like love, compassion and joy / happiness. Anger is one we must learn to control and channel into more of a positive and/or constructive reaction. I find writing in a journal or writing a blog is quite therapeutic and gives you a positive way to release those negative emotions. Of course if you’re blogging make sure you keep it inoffensive .

The path you walk is the path you chose, The life you live is the life you have created. The path you walk can always be changed and the life you live is forever changing with each choice and thought you have.

Raymond Barbier

Related articles

6 Comments

Filed under Random Thoughts, Thought of the day, Writings

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | May 20, 2012 · 12:33 pm

Today is a new day and a new chance to choose

p10021 Today is a new day and a new chance for all of us to change our course as well as our destiny and/or fate. Being a firm believer of free will and the ability to choose ones own destiny I believe each day is a new chance at changing ones life. What you did yesterday may have some power on today but what you do today will be what matters tomorrow. Fret not over the mistakes of the past and do not worry about successes or failures in the future just focus on making today the best day of your life. Think twice before you make choices as well as what thoughts you think along with the words you speak. Learn not to react to life and its situations and learn to act with wisdom. Emotions are a good thing though they can become anchors, roadblocks and distractions in our life if we allow them to be in control. Experience your emotions to the fullest and move on so you can make choices through logic and not through emotional distress or elation. One of the worst emotions to that we could allow to get out of control is fear, fear serves its purpose by helping us react to life threatening situations but it isn’t supposed to be a constant companion.

dr_b_ship Even too much of a positive emotion can cloud ones ability to make choices but if your going to allow an emotion to control your life then make it a positive one.  Learn from your past mistakes but do not hold on to regret or remorse for more than a day and quickly move on and live life. We can not change what we have done in the past but we always can try to make amends and then move on hoping not to repeat the same mistakes again. We should live our lives in harmony with each other and this world we live in, we should value all life for it is precious. We should always be out to help others in need and befriend the friendless. To spread the spirit of hope, love and compassion to all of God’s creatures and humankind. We should be advanced enough emotionally and intellectually not to judge others by their color, sex, religion or nationality.

Today is a new day and a new chance to choose a more compassionate and loving path to walk through life. A new chance to put others needs before our own and serve God by serving the needs of others. Though we may never reach perfection we can at least do our best for God.

The path you walk in life is one of your own making and is created by the choices you make daily
Raymond Barbier

Related articles

1 Comment

Filed under Random Thoughts, Spiritual, Thought of the day

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | May 19, 2012 · 9:38 am

Though I can not go back I can go forward and live life to the fullest

005 Life is such a short journey, we seem to forget that fact for most of the way through our lives. We seem to waste so much time over petty arguments and in the pursuit of temporary happiness we get from wealth and possessions. In the end all the wealth, money, fame and power we obtain becomes dust in the wind and objects of folly. The relationships we had made throughout our lives and how we lived our life seems to be the only things that are important in the end. All those disagreements we had seem to mean nothing and all the toys we gathered no longer luster. I have noticed the older I get the more I reflect on my life and reminisce about the friends and family I was blessed to have and know in my life. Any anger or hurt I may have received from others in my past no longer has a hold on me and is forgotten. The hurt and wrongs I have done to others remain only to remind me that I am far from perfect and to remind me not to repeat the same mistakes.

rayrayd If I could go back in time and talk to myself I would try to get myself to realize that if you love yourself and have faith everything will work out. I would also teach myself to embrace the spirit of happiness and hope while rejecting the ever so present spirit of fear. Live life to the fullest and have no fear of failure because to fear failure usually leads to not trying at all. So much I probably missed out in my life because I was either afraid to try or I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy. And the final thing I would tell myself is learn to forgive yourself and learn from your past.

Well unfortunately or maybe fortunately there is no way for us to go back in time and talk to the younger versions of our selves.  So maybe someone will read this post and see the wisdom in some of its advice and avoid some of the pitfalls I befell in my lifetime. Though I can not go back I can go forward and live life to the fullest till my path in life comes to an end.

There is no better time than the present to make a change in your life.
Raymond Barbier

Related articles

7 Comments

Filed under Personal, Random Thoughts, Thought of the day, Writings

Tagged as , , , ,

by | March 5, 2012 · 8:50 pm

Things seem more complicated than they really are

mypic2006bWhy does is seem we have a tendency as humans to make things seem more complicated than they really are. We dissect every situation, emotion and experience only to overlook the simple truths that could be seen by looking at it in whole. Sometime an apple is just an apple and an orange isn’t a melon. Yeah sure sometimes there is hidden meanings in things but most of the time things are what they are and you don’t have t dissect it to see that. All the wasted energy and the stress created by the frustration of not finding the non-existent hidden meaning only distracts us from the truth we seek. Sometimes I don’t even think we even know what it is we are searching for and other times I think we are just so wrapped up in the process to see its unnecessary.

In relationships we tend to do this when the relationship fails, we tear apart every memory and emotion trying to find out what went wrong. Sometimes relationships die and other times there wasn’t a real relationship there to start with. A lot of times it was more of a physical attraction and not love that brought the people together and physical attraction is fickle and can disappear almost as fast as it appeared. To be honest who really cares who is to blame or why it happened, it happened and that is the end of it. Move on and find a new relation to be in and hope it isn’t just one based on physical attraction alone.

If you try to dissect every situation and become obsessed with finding the hidden meaning or reason you are only letting situation distract you from what is important. Life is way to short to make everything in it complicated or to meditate on every situation you are in. There are always situations that are complicated and need to be dissected to find the truth but they are far and few in-between. Life is simpler than we perceive it to be, and the true trick to being happy in life is t keep it as simple as possible.

“Simple Simon may have been a simple man but he also was a happy and content man.”

Raymond Barbier

Related articles

Leave a Comment

Filed under Personal, Random Thoughts, Writings

Tagged as , , , ,

by | February 12, 2012 · 1:58 pm

You are responsible for the happiness or negative feelings in your life.

HPIM0639

Positive thinking, Visualization and many other techniques that are sold as pathways to the life you desire actually can work but usually don’t. It isn’t because those ideas are wrong, it mainly lies within the mind of the person trying to use them. There is no way any amount of positive thinking or visualization can work if your mind is full of constant negative or obstructive thoughts.  We are programmed through out our lives with both positive and negative concepts which remain in our sub conscious mind until we label them untrue and mark them for deletion. some are so deep-rooted it is almost impossible to rid ourselves of them. We are what we believe and think that we are and we can not become anything but what we limit ourselves to be. We also have some ability to effect those around us through our negative or positive thoughts though it is a very limited effect.

To bring positivity to your life you must put positivity out into the world around you and limit the negative thoughts and emotions within. Beside the effect your negativity has on others it has a great effect upon your health and your ability to function in life. Being it is almost impossible to be completely free of negativity you at least want to keep a balance between both positive and negative (1:1 ratio). If you can keep the balance right then positive thinking, visualization and other techniques will work and bring good results. The bottom line is that all good and bad in your life starts from within yourself. No one but you are responsible for the happiness or negative feelings in your life. Yes others may do you wrong, hurt you and even cause problems in your life but it is you that chooses to allow it to control your state of mind. You are the one that chooses in what way you react to such situations and how long it will effect your life.

Forgiveness is one of the greatest tools in ridding yourself of unwanted negative emotional baggage. Forgive those who have done you wrong so you can let go of the pain that is associated with the memory. Forgiveness does far more for the one who gives it than the one that receives it in the end. Far as hatred or not liking an individual because of some trait or behavior that bothers you, you must realize sometimes that trait or behavior is one you also dislike in yourself. Try to be understanding and realize you are also an imperfect being that displays traits and behaviors‘ that some one may not like in turn. This makes it a bit easier to accept the faults in others because you can see how you also have faults within your own character.

 

 

I may not always be right, but I am always seeking the right answers.

Raymond Barbier

Related articles

5 Comments

Filed under Health and wellness, Personal, Random Thoughts, Thought of the day, Writings

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | December 31, 2011 · 3:11 pm

Love thyself, be yourself and be true to yourself.

IMG_1078We can not be liked or loved by every person we meet, even though each of us are unique in our own way we also share common traits with others. Some people may find a common chord with you and be a part of your journey through life and then there are those no matter how hard you may try they will always see you as an outcast or a joke. that is just how this life is and there is little one can do about that fact, just learn to accept the gift of friendship from those that you find and forgive and dismiss the ones that are not yours to call friend. It may be nice to belong and feel loved by everyone you meet but unfortunately the possibility of such is nothing but a pipe dream.  Also if you try too hard to be liked and to belong you usually wind up pushing away those who could be your friends as well as making a fool of yourself unknowingly before everyone you meet. Best to learn to love and accept yourself for what you are and worry not about the thoughts and opinions of those around you. For if you become a person whom you like and can live with everyday then usually you will find that others will follow in liking you and accepting you for what and who you really are. Be yourself and be true to yourself so that you do not mislead yourself or others. Being human I myself have many faults I wish to hide away from the public eye but they always find a way to rear their ugly little heads for others to see from time to time. So I have learned to accept my shortcomings but not to give up on correcting them. No one person is perfect and the grass on the other side of the fence only seems to be greener than yours. To be really true to yourself you must face both your good and your bad points in your personality. Far as the bad points the first step in overcoming or controlling them is to accept the fact they exist. You can not fix what you do not believe is broken as well as you can not improve what you see as unchangeable as well. For there is no bad trait that can not be either improved or overcame through perseverance and the desire to better ones self. The biggest enemy to self-improvement is ones self-doubt, we all have it just some of us have more than others. We must learn to overcome the fear of failure and the fear of change in order to move forward on the path of self-improvement. In each one of us is the power and strength to become more than we could even dream of becoming. It isn’t all positive thinking but to be positive is one of the many keys to self improvement and success. Besides positive thinking one must be willing to act upon the positive thoughts and work towards making them a part of reality. To think positive alone will only bring you small results if not just set you up for a fall in the end. Just thinking about taking your first step does not start the journey, it is taking the first step and the risks that come from moving forward. Belief in something has a lot of power but putting that belief into a physical action has far more power to enact change. The faith of the mustard seed would be useless if it wasn’t for it following through with that faith by acting. Without action there is no chance for reaction, even visualization in its self is an action though limited in its possibilities of reaction without some physical action to support it.

 

Love thyself, be yourself and be true to yourself.

Be positive and act upon faith as well as your positive thinking.

 

Peace to all

Raymond Barbier

Related articles

3 Comments

Filed under Personal, Random Thoughts, Writings

Tagged as , , , ,

by | August 24, 2011 · 5:11 pm

We dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape.

003 I see the emptiness in the eyes of others, they endlessly try to fill it with material goods and through pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately these are only temporary distractions from the emptiness they feel. The lack of meaning in their life and the absence of self-worth makes the empty feeling in them harder to overcome. What exactly is that emptiness or what causes it could be something as simple as low self-esteem or depression. It also could be the lack of spiritual fulfillment as well as not being accepted by their peers. It seems quite apparent that humans as a species require some sort of community and to be accepted in some sort of social group. We tend to be a very social species and we thrive on being  a part of such a group as well as being loved.

Sometimes we tend to create a false image of ourselves within and can not see the real person we are. We deceive ourselves into believing such negative things that we dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape. The hardest part is coming to the realization that we are not as bad off as we believe. It’s so easy to fall in to the pit but it is very hard to climb our way out. It is one of things that it probably took you many years to create such a negative self-image and it will take some time to teach yourself to have a more positive image. There are many methods of building self-confidence as well as improving your self-image such as attending religious meetings, meditation, exercise and even writing poetry or a journal.

Every day is but one more step in your personal journey through life and each step leads you forward in your self discovery.  If you search within to find out who you really are you may just find that you are far better person than you once believed. For we seem to be a far stricter judge upon ourselves as well as or actions than we are on others. We have to look at ourselves like we look at friends and family. Judge ourselves with compassion like we do those we love and care about, knowing no one is perfect and to expect perfection from ourselves or others is just plain illogical to say the least. To remember your past mistakes is wise but to punish yourself over them is foolish. We paid the price for the mistakes shortly after we committed them and guilt shouldn’t last beyond a few day to a week. Forgiving ourselves and others seems to be one of the hardest things to do., but it is a necessary part of our life.

Well enough of my Psycho-babble Nonsense.
Peace and Love to All
Raymond Barbier

Related articles

Leave a Comment

Filed under Health and wellness, Random Thoughts, Thought of the day

Tagged as , , , , , ,

by | June 23, 2011 · 11:01 pm

Be true to who and what you are.

023  Be true to yourself, do not hold back the real you within. The person you are that you hide from the world in fear of not being accepted or being the odd man out. If you put on a mask in order to fit in or to be liked then all you’re doing is living a lie. Appearing to be what you’re not is the most ineffective means of being happy. Withholding your true feelings out of fear or not expressing your true opinion is but a quick way to both low self-esteem and unhappiness.

There will always be those that don’t like you no matter what you say or do. I ask, does it matter if they like you or not if they wont like you for who you really are? The people who like the real you are the only true friends you have. those who seem to like you because you put on a mask or because you pretend to agree are not friends at all. Plus it is nothing but a disservice to them if you are not being the real you and so is falsely agreeing with them .

There is no pride in being the social actor and yes man/woman. Be proud of who and what you are, for you are a unique and special individual. You have purpose and you are an important part of this world we live in. Every one of us are unique and we are all special in the fact we are part of the great experience called life. Worry not so much about the opinion of others for the only opinions about you that matter is your own.

Focus on your good points and learn to overcome the shortcomings you can and accept those you can’t. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you make and avoid repeating the same ones over again. Learn to love yourself as well as others, For we all are human and we all make mistakes.

Be true to who and what you are.
Raymond Barbier

Related articles

Leave a Comment

Filed under Random Thoughts

Tagged as , , , , ,