Thoughts on Relationships

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  One of the greatest misconceptions in relationships is that you basically own your partner. If this were the case then your partner would also own you and therefore there would be a great struggle for dominance and control. The reality is that you have joined into a contractual partnership where you maintain your individual rights and control, just you have chose to make it a joined effort to manage life. Love was the binding agent but respect and equal decision making rights are the foundation a relationship should be built on. One must realize even though you are like one in a relationship that you must also maintain your individuality or there will be grief for one side if not both. Both of you were individuals before the union and should remain so after the union. Instead of trying to dominate, control or own one another we should learn to pull from each other strengths and help each other on our weaknesses. Respect is one of the greatest issues in relationships of all types, without respect for one another and for yourself the partnership usually turns into a battle for dominance if not just a chaotic battle of the wills. Usually there is a more dominate partner and a more passive partner in a good relationship, the passive partner usually chooses to be passive out of respect and love for the dominant one. This is due to the fact every relationship, family and even business has to have a leader of sorts to keep it balanced and functioning. Being the passive partner does not mean you give up your rights or your power in the relationship, it just means you choose to put faith in the abilities of the dominant partner. You still have power to make the decisions and will probably make as many if not more than the dominant one. The role of leader, head of house is more or a illusion than a reality, but it does keep order and also gives each partner roles to fulfill.

  Once you realize that you and your partner are equals and choose each a role to play then the stage is set for a good relationship. Me time is also a important part of relationships and each partner needs a small amount of me time to keep things running smooth. Me time is just some time for both partners to put away their roles and just be themselves. Affection and sex are also an important part of relationships and usually can be either the glue that binds or the hammer that breaks a relationship. Usually the biggest problem is one partner is more insecure than the other in a relationship so they desire more affection and sex to confirm they are still wanted by their partner. The other partner is usually very secure in both themselves and the relationship so sex and affection seems less important, this creates a vacuum or void between the two partners. Sometimes the neediness of one partner can push the other away, This is not healthy for a relationship and can cause a great divide between the two partners. This is where both good communication and the understanding that both sides have needs and wants that have to be fulfilled comes into play. Regardless of insecurity or not both partners need to be affectionate and occasionally have sex to keep the bond between them strong and also to reassure each other that they are needed and wanted. When a partner seems to not want sex and affection it is not the desire that is missing it is more that they either feel unwanted, disrespected or not needed  in the relationship. Without the feelings of being wanted,needed and respected a person starts to create a negative self image and that usually kills their desire for affection and so on. There is also physical and mental issues that effect the desire in a partner but they shouldn’t completely destroy your love and affection for each other. In the case of physical and mental issues both sides should have understanding of the causes as well as compassion for one another.

Together time is also an important part of a healthy relationship, this is time set aside for both partners to enjoy each others company in either a hobby, recreation or just talking. This is when and how  partners strengthen their bonds beyond the bedroom. The together time is crucial and without it partners may drift apart emotionally, mentally and eventually physically. During together time you must set all problems and personal issues aside, this is the time to appreciate each other and enjoy each others company not a time to battle, bicker or settle issues. The main thing to remember is you joined with your partner in the beginning because you did like and enjoyed their company. They had characteristic that you found to be pleasant and they too found many things about you as pleasant if not wonderful. No one person can be perfect not can they always make you happy but in general they bring happiness to you if you don’t allow their mistakes or shortcomings be your main focus. To home in on only the bad in your partner is not healthy nor a natural mental process. To only focus on the bad is to be a slave to your own hate or mistrust. Forgiveness and the realization that your partner is only human is the right mindset to try and maintain.

Some of the Keys to a Good Relationship

Respect for each other and your self

Affection and sex

Me time

Together time

relationship Hierarchy




Well Enough of my Babbling

Peace and Love be your Guides in Life

Raymond Barbier


About Ray Barbier

I am just an average man who loves writing, thinking and trying to inspire kindness, love, understanding and Compassion in others and try to find them within myself.
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